I’m not sure what’s wrong with me today but I’m being really fucking nice to everyone and it’s starting to really freak me out.
I occasionally enjoy buying my clothes from charity shops. But whenever I go into one, I am pretty much certain that all of the best items have been taken by the staff. “Oh no that Gucci bag is a bit broken. It can’t be sold I’m afraid”
Yeah right. Let us buy it you thieving c**t.
That moment when you realise you’ve been sponsoring some panda you’ve never met for the last 6 months when you’ve got fucking bills to pay.
“I’m a size 10”
Every celebrity that’s a size 14. Oh fuck off. Finish your chips.